is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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