Sponge bath it is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize