We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
