Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
