When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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