My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
