We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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