Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
