There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
