i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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