I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
