after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
