I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
false alarm. still invincible.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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