Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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