so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
