I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
