We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
