What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize