Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she smelled like a LAN party
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
