Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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