Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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