Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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