Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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