Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
