I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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