While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
