Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
