I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
