Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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