I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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