There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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