Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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