I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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