Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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