either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
