Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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