so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
