guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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