If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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