oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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