i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
