I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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