explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
