She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
