Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
