woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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