in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
