Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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