Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Screwed.edu
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize