The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
