atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
