Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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