I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
