I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
