At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
