I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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