They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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